5 Things to Never Do After Getting Dumped
When it comes to the rules of breaking up, it often feels as though there aren’t any.
Even the most level-headed and rational among us will think and act in uncharacteristic ways because of the pain we feel. It’s as though common sense flies out the window and a force greater than us takes over.
The truth is, however, there are behaviors which – despite the impulse to engage in them – should not be attempted.
Here are five things you should never do after your loved one walks out of your life:
Don’t drink alcohol to excess
After a break-up, it’s highly likely you’ll want to drink your sorrows away. Believe me, you wouldn’t be the first person to ask friends to take you out and get you drunk. The post-dumping booze-fest is practically a break-up rite of passage.
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Here’s the problem, however. Getting wasted won’t make your unhappiness go away. In fact, it will probably cause even more depression and heighten your negative emotions. Worse still, getting drunk increases the likelihood you’ll use bad judgment and do something you’ll regret. Just ask a woman we’ll call “Amanda.”
“Amanda” was devastated after her relationship ended and decided she needed a night out with her best friend. She drank cocktail after cocktail and ended up falling in the middle of the street, cracking a rib in the process. The next morning, her heart still hurt. And so did every other part of her body.
Even if you don’t sustain bodily injury after tying one on, you run the risk of sending your ex a drunken text, hooking up with someone completely unacceptable, or generally making a fool out of yourself. After a break-up, it’s time to make healthy choices and take care of yourself the best you can. Never let your pain cause you to something painful.
Don’t beg them to come back
Getting dumped can be a serious blow to your ego. You’ll probably feel rejected and unwanted. It may even cause you to doubt your self-worth.
Something else happens when we’re on the receiving end of a break-up. Suddenly, the person walking away looks so good to us – even if they weren’t that great. We can’t bear the thought of being without them and we’ll go to great lengths in an attempt to win them back.
This is where the begging, pleading, and promising to change part of the break-up process comes in. And let me tell you, it isn’t pretty. Not only do you further damage your already bruised self-worth, but you drive the person who broke your heart even further away. Even if they agree to give you another chance, their respect for you lessens – usually to a great degree.
So instead of groveling, hold your head up high. Handle yourself with strength and dignity. Remember that, at the end of the day, you don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t want to be with you.
Don’t insist your ex give you “closure”
Closure is such a beautiful concept, isn’t it?
The idea that – with the right words – you’ll be able to close one chapter of your life and move on to the next with ease is a comforting thought. Unfortunately, closure – an often misunderstood concept – doesn’t work like that.
Closure isn’t a gift another person gives you and there are no magic words your ex can say which will suddenly cause you to be okay with the break-up. Instead, closure is something you provide for yourself when you accept this was not the right relationship and so it had to end. It doesn’t matter if you never see or speak to your ex again; you are the one with the power to give yourself closure. Not them.
Don’t badmouth them to their friends
Did you ever see the episode of “Sex & the City” where Carrie complains to her ex’s friend how he broke up with her on a Post-it? While her outrage may have been justified, the end result of her tirade was that she looked completely crazy. This is what happens when we try to convince our ex’s friends how awful he or she was. We are the ones who look bad.
Attempting to turn those closest to your ex against him – or at least sharing your side of the story – may seem like a good idea. They should hear things from your perspective, right? But it will always backfire. So even if your ex’s friend reaches out to you to tell you how sorry he is your relationship ended, stay classy and be polite no matter how poorly you were treated. Being the bigger person makes you a better person.
Don’t use social media as a method of warfare
Break-ups were a lot easier before Facebook, weren’t they? Now, in addition to being dumped, we have the added bonus of seeing our ex happily move on – live on our News Feeds. And what about the compulsive way in which we’ll pull up our ex’s Timeline and monitor their every post? Before we know it, we’re retaliating through our own Status Updates. After all, two can play the Facebook game.
Whenever I see a jilted lover posting “I’m soooooo happy he’s gone! #loser” or “Loving being single!” I immediately know how much they are hurting. Snarky Status Updates, publicly airing your ex’s dirty laundry, and those sappy quote photos which tell the world how much better life is without them only serve one purpose – they let everyone know just how not over them you indeed are.
Don’t give into the temptation to take a Facebook hit out on your ex. Don’t check his Timeline every hour on the hour to see if he’s miserable without you yet. (As I like to say, “Block him before you stalk him.”) And if you need to stay off social media for a while? Well, it might actually help your heart to heal a bit faster.
Повезане ознаке: Impatient for Mr. Right?